


the daily lives of grey wardens

by cynicaljapanophile



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Comedy, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Warden Carver Hawke, lowkey poly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-19 13:57:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22445386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynicaljapanophile/pseuds/cynicaljapanophile
Summary: have you ever wondered what the lives of grey wardens are like when they’re not busy trying to kill the archdemon? Follow the lives of the most dysfunctional wardens in all of thedas.[lowercase is intended]
Relationships: Alistair & Female Warden (Dragon Age), Alistair/Cousland (Dragon Age), Alistair/Warden (Dragon Age), Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

_**featuring…** _

_luna cousland as “a terrible boss”_

_carver hawke as “i wish the blight took me”  
velanna as “(disgusted noise)” _

_oghren as “alcohol. just alcohol”_

_sigrun as “the perky dwarf”_

_maka ahmed as “can i stab them?”_

_sena as “what?”_

_**and many more…** _

_**with guest appearances by…**_

_wynne_

_alistair_

_zevran_

_shale_

_**and many more...** _


	2. "i'm going to regret this..."

"join us, brothers and sisters. join us in the shadows where we all stand vigilant. join us as we car-"

"is this all necessary?" a voice asked interrupting carver mid-sentence.

the dwarf looked at the grey warden incredulously and raised a brow.

carver let out a long sigh and continued on, "join us as we carry the duty that can not be-"

"excuse me?"

carver let out an annoyed groan and looked at the dwarf with glare, "yes, what is it?"

luna sighed and facepalmed at the scene unraveling in front of her.

"why can't we ever have a smooth joining ceremony?" she asked herself, her words muffled by her hand covering her mouth.

"well," carver tilted his head so stiffly that it looked as if a small creak accompanied the action, "was there something you wanted to ask?"

"huh? oh, right!" the dwarf exclaimed excitedly, "why do you have to say that whole thing?"

"we've said that at the beginning of every joining since the first of the wardens," carver explained in a monotone voice.

it was clear how annoyed he was.

carver took a deep breath, he was desperate to get the joining over with.

"the duty that can not be forsworn-"

"why do you have to drink darkspawn blood to become a warden?"

carver's eye twitched.

"and should you perish, know that-"

"are there any specific rules a warden needs to follow?"

"know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. and-"

"are there requirements to become a warden?"

carver didn't say anything but it was obvious how annoyed he was starting to get, he was shaking in place.

"andthatonedayweshalljoinyou."

carver finally finished rushing the final words making them one word.

"finally! we're done!" carver exclaimed before turning around.

"now- drink this and hopefully- for you, you might live," carver said as he turned back around the silver joining chalice in hand.

"wh-" she attempted to speak only for the blue-eyed warden to stop her by pushing the chalice into her hands.

"don't speak merah just drink the blood." carver let out a sigh as the dwarf drank the contents of chalice.

_ finally. _

carver turned walked over to the table near one of the shelves in the throne room and placed his hands on the table.

he felt himself start to calm down as he shut out all nearby noises- unfortunately, his seconds of peace was interrupted by a certain dwarf's voice who sounded as perky as always. he reluctantly turned his head to see the same dwarf that had just drunk darkspawn blood talking with the warden-commander with no intention of stopping anytime soon. 

"how is she still even standing?" carver mumbled under his breath.

feeling someone's eyes on her luna took her eyes off of the new warden and saw carver staring at the two of them from the corner of her eye. 

she smirked. 

she called over the taller warden with a smug grin ignoring the glare that he was sending her.

"carver! over here for a second!"

carver let out a groan before standing up straight to walk over to smug warden-commander. he knew the look on her face, she was planning something, wasn't she. 

"carver you're friends with merah, right?" she asked, the tone of her voice smug as her grin. 

"well, i wouldn't say friends exactly-"

"great! so why don't you give her a tour of the keep-  **_and answer any questions that she may have"_ **

he could just hear the smugness in her voice. 

"ma'am i'm sure i'm not the best choice, especially when it comes to answering questions regarding the wardens, after all, i've only been in the wardens for a few months," he said with an obviously forced smile.

"what do you mean? you're the best choice and even if i didn't think you were oghren is sleeping off last night, nathaniel is doing some work for the chantry, velanna is doing some work in the brecilian forest for the dalish elves with sigrun, and..."

"and..." carver leaned in motioning for you to continue on with your words.

"-and i can't be bothered to ask anyone else."

"of course, why should be surprised?" he sighed out. 

he's only known you for a month or two but he should already expect this behavior from you. 

“anyways... i should get going~” you sang as you walked away from the two wardens.

despite knowing he wouldn’t get much out of it carver lifted his head towards you and opened his mouth once again in an attempt to get away.

“Is a tour of the keep really necessary ma’am-”

carver watched in shock as you quickly turned on your heel and made haste out of the throne room not even waiting to let him finish talking. 

_ ‘It’s moments like this that makes me wonder how she killed the archdemon’  _

“so are we going to get this tour going or not?”

carver jumped at merah’s unbearably(in his eyes) perky voice and turned his head to look at her before swallowing hard and looking away at the ceiling.

_ ‘maker i beg you, please don’t make me do this! i know i’m an ass but i don’t deserve torture’ _

“carver, are you still there?” merah asked.

he let out a sigh and turned his eyes back down to the dwarf, “fine, let’s just get this over with.”

“yes! this is going to be great!” 

“ugh, i’m going to regret this…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> carver is a stressed out warden


End file.
